“I quit!” I finally said it. The two words I thought I’d never say. I’ve been in this job three years, since I was 16. My first ever proper job. I was a waitress and barmaid in a family hotel and knew all the locals and regulars that walked through the door. They thought I’d be there for life like my mum but there was no way I was staying.
I’d been home from uni since May and was getting majorly bored. Bored of the small town I lived in, bored of the people with no ambition to get out of the town and bored of going to the same places and seeing the same people. There were a lot of faces I didn’t want to see anymore and it was really starting to get to me.
I’d never had panic attacks in my life but they started around June after being home a few weeks. I needed my personal space, my independence and to be away from a few people. It was starting to affect my physical and mental health, so I knew I had to go.
I was happier in Liverpool, and I was healthier. There were also a lot of opportunities for me over in Liverpool that I would never see in Lurgan. I knew the only thing to do was pack up, leave and start new. I had always planned on moving away permanently but I never thought it would be this soon. It feels so liberating being without a job, not knowing what’s going to happen and starting fresh.
“To be fully alive, fully human, and completely awake is to be continually thrown out of the nest.” – Pema Chodron
I move to Liverpool next Monday and have job interviews set up for the week, so fingers crossed I land on my feet. I have a good feeling that my life will be so much better in Liverpool and even though I’m still only 19, I’m trying to make a name for myself and be a successful business woman and I know that being in Lurgan won’t help me achieve that.
For the first time I’ve stepped out of my comfort zone and am leaving behind everything that is secure and in place. I’m leaving my job, my family, my friends and everything that I’m familiar with to start out on my own.
August 2016 will be a new chapter in my life. A fresh new start to be the independent person I’ve always wanted. I know in myself that I’ll never come home. This is the beginning. After I graduate I intend on going to Australia or New Zealand for a year. For my placement year I could be somewhere else in England, or who knows maybe abroad. I’m planning on going to Thailand next summer for six weeks. I want to live around the world while I can. Experience other cultures, languages and people. Get out of the bubble and security that is home. Go somewhere, do something, be someone.
So next Monday is the big day. The big move. The first day of my new life.
And I couldn’t be more excited!
“One day, it will be your turn. You will leave homes, cities, and countries to pursue grander ambitions. You will leave friends, lovers and possibilities for the chance to roam the world and make deeper connections. You will defy your fear of change, hold your head high and do what you once thought was unthinkable: walk away. And it will be scary. At first. But what I hope you’ll find in the end is that in leaving, you don’t just find love, adventure or freedom. More than anything you find you.”